Beautiful Amnesia

I had a dream last night where I was on a balcony with some people. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the scene in front of me transformed to that of Disneyland’s familiar dream castle lit up by soft pink lights like I’ve seen in many photos. I heard hushed whispers and people said “the fireworks are about to begin!”. I started to stress because I didn’t have my camera on me. I started counting down the minutes and weighing out what I might miss out on if I ran indoors to grab my camera. What if it were only a very short display? I would not have the time to change the settings on my camera …

With great anxiety, I ran indoors and grabbed my little Canon G9 and the fireworks started just as I got back out onto the balcony. It was magnificent but try as I might, the little camera just wouldn’t do the job of capturing the moment. It didn’t show the scene as it was – grand, magnificent and utterly splendid. I was frustrated as I fiddled with the buttons and then I thought “I have my dSLR indoors … I’ll go get that!”

As I thought this, I was vividly aware of how I might be running out of time with the fireworks display. This made me stress out even more as I dropped the little camera and ran indoors to retrieve my SLR. I ran outside again and to my surprise, the fireworks were still going strong. I tried to take the picture but I realised I didn’t have a tripod.

This won’t do! I cannot take pictures of fireworks without a tripod! I wanted to make the pictures come out with fancy schmancy effects of focus blurs and light streaks and blobs just as I had when I photographed at Moomba. Even more frustrated, I ran back inside to retrieve my tripod and took some time to set my camera on it whilst the skies exploded in a kaleidescope of colours in front of me.

I played with the settings on the camera and looked through the viewfinder to find myself framing the scene. I tried taking the pictures but still they wouldn’t turn out right. I was despairing but at the same time growing increasingly aware that I had missed most of the fireworks.

What I had been doing was trying to pigeonhole something vast and boundless into a small square frame a few inches wide. I was trying to manipulate what was happening right in front of me into a story that was grander than what already is grand. I was trying to skew perspective, dodge reality and not accept what is.

Following that insight, I took a step back, embraced the kaleidoscope and let the light rain upon me and there was no more insecurity and no more anxiety. I wish I could have stood there forever.

It’s funny that perhaps a dreamer is so much more the wiser than the awake. Or perhaps the awake is only awake within the labyrinth of a massive conspiracy theory of a dream. Yes that must be so.