Beautiful Amnesia

I went to Bikram Yoga for the first time a couple of days ago. I haven’t done any form of exercise in a long time except for walking long distances carrying a backpack full of camera gear. That was back in September.

I have heard positive stories about Bikram Yoga such as - “I feel more balanced, in all senses of the word” … “It rids the toxins from your body and your mind” and then I’ve heard the horror stories - “You sweat from places you never thought possible” … “people stink” … “it’s so @#$*ing hot!”

First lesson for me was unfortunately more about the horror stories coming true. The person beside me did smell funky and he also had a rip in his pants right where the asshole is. Not that I was looking or anything, I was trying mostly not to pass out in the 40 degree humid heat. It was made more unpleasant because there were too many people packed in too tightly in limited space with everyone sweating and breathing OUT their toxins with gusto! I can’t help but wonder, at the points where everyone is instructed to inhale and exhale at machine gun rate, what exactly we’re breathing back IN. I mean … really. The exhaling is ok, it’s the inhaling I have problems with.

As a first timer, I felt that 90 minutes was way too long and I did feel very dizzy and nauseous towards the end of the class. In that kind of humid heat, I didn’t feel like I was getting any oxygen into my system. I also didn’t manage to get into all the postures and a lot of the time I was trying not to hit the two people on either side of me. I did have a favourite posture though, the one where you just lay on your yoga mat. I’m very good at that one.

On the plus side, I did feel wonderful AFTER the ordeal. I felt tired but refreshed at the same time and the air outside never smelt sweeter. I also had a chance to marvel at the beads of sweat on my belly (I don’t think I’ve ever pespired this much before) because we spent a lot of time in postures that gave me opportunities to contemplate my navel. By the way, this deserves a mention - although I did sweat a lot, I was surprised that my eye make up stayed more or less intact throughout. I recommend Revlon. The fact is, I didn’t intend to go into class with eye make up on, I didn’t have time to take it off before having to rush into the six o’clock class. Besides, there’s really no extra energy available in there for any sort of vanity.

I’m going back again this evening for a second attempt. Despite all my complaints, I’m at the end of the day a Singaporean and I get free classes for the next week after having paid for my initial trial.

Seriously though, I see it as a challenge to focus my mind and body. There have been moments where my brain just went crazy and wanted any form of escape from its perceived nightmare. I could see my thoughts darting this way and that, looking for an out - “need to get out of here, can’t breathe, am going to die etc etc”. Any excuse to convince myself that I was in terrible misery. Which, no doubt, terrible misery was what I was in at certain acute points of the class. However, I found that if I could just concentrate and centre myself to the present moment - it passed.

And THAT is why I’m going back. So that the session can be a tool for me to be more conscious of my presence and to serve as a reminder that my mind will always seek to deny it.