If not, then what?
I can’t bring myself to pack. I can’t bring myself to clean. I can’t bring myself to do anything really. I’m looking forward to going away from here, at the same time I suddenly can’t stand the thought of it.
I don’t think I’ve been eating properly - Big M and half a bar of Twix wasn’t really dinner - but I haven’t really had the motivation to get myself proper meals. Maybe I’m hoping I’ll just wilt away and no one will notice.
Anyway, I have two piles of clothes in my luggage now. One for the trip to China and the other one for my two weeks in Singapore. For some reason I am resenting having to bring warm clothing for China - not that anything I do or feel at the moment really makes much sense. Work has been sort of an anchor. Sitting at my desk with my fingers on a keyboard and my eyes on brightly lit screen - just so I have something to focus on.
Anything so I don’t have to think. Sometimes the invisible band around my brain tightens and I can feel my head hurt. Literally. These words that someone once said to me have been ringing in my ears lately, “your purpose here is to learn suffering”
Tonight. Must finish packing. Must do laundry. Must clean kitchen. Must. If not, then what?
